i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
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