Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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