i'm signing you up for texting rehab
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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