No more Irish car bombs ever.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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