You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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