: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
