the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
