I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
