Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
