the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
