My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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