Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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