I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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