Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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