An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
