if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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