i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
