Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
