god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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