omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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