Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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