Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I have tasted many bathrooms
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
