This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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