R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
