Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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