I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
