She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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