I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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