Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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