i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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