here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
