So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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