I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
