All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
