omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
