FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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