I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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