Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
