But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
