Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
