so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
