He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
