DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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