whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
