dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
