I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
