Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
