Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
