I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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