my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
