i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I said "one day" and that day is not today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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