There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
