DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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