I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You smell like stripper and shame
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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