Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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